Krista M's Mama VIVIFY Session
She faced so much to meet this little guy. While her story is not mine to share, I do believe Krista wouldn't mind if I shared a smidgen of it.
Krista tumbled through infertility issues for over a decade. Her life was topsy-turvy and unclear of which way was right-side up. Her unexplained infertility was confusing and heartbreaking; too many unanswered questions. When I first met Krista, she made the act of getting pregnant sound like one needed a degree in rocket science. She opened my eyes to her world of how infertility is incredibly expensive and can be painful in various social situations. I had so much learning to do.
Here are helpful resources for us all:
Infertility Communication tips:
Let them know that you care.
Do your research.
Act interested.
Ask them what they need.
Provide extra outreach to your male friends.
When appropriate, encourage therapy.
Support their decision to stop treatment.
Remember them on Mother's & Father's Day.
Know What to Say & Watch out For Triggering Language
When you are not sure what to say, you may want to try one of these responses:
Do you want to talk about it?
I wish I knew what to say to comfort you.
I wish there was something I could do or say that would make it all better.
I'm here to listen, whenever you need me.
I'm sorry to hear that.
What can I do to help?
Watch out for triggering language.
“Just relax, it will happen when you’re less stressed“ or "What’s meant to be will be." “At least you can get pregnant." As good as your intentions might be, these kinds of statements can be quite triggering. At best, they might not reflect on their experience and can minimize the intensity of what a friend is going through. At worst, they can come across as blaming.
Other helpful links:
https://resolve.org/support/for-friends-and-family/
https://cofertility.com/research/find-a-grant/fertility-grants-north-carolina/
I hated that there was (and still is) a global pandemic raging when we became mothers, Krista. Watching you with your darling boy is incredibly precious. You are crushing it in motherhood. And while I know you do not want to be the poster woman for a "infertility success story," I do know you’d want me to share resources so we can all better undersnad and communicate with those on this journey. My heart is flooded with happiness for you to finally hold your light, love, and joy.